by Angry Penguin

Dear Reader,

This letter was sent into our office in response to another article by Whitney McNally in the latest issue of Details Magazine. We reprint it here in its full form in the interest of free speech, despite its use of harsh language. Parents, please think of your children.

Also, Propergander, including its subsidiaries and affiliates, does not endorse violence of any kind. Especially violence in the form of biting because it tends to leave a mark and can be very painful.


I'm fucking pissed.

As if it ain't bad enough in the world for us penguins, this shit's gotta happen. I'm talking about that stupid-ass article, Penguin or Asian? (see below).

The world already thinks that Penguins are harmless little clowns. That we're so fucking dumb that when a plane flies overhead we fall onto our backs 'cause we can't stop staring at it. WELL THATS BULLSHIT.

And now this article comes out that says that Penguins are like Asians. Well we're not. Asians are human beings and Penguins are birds. Jesus F'in Christ some people are dumb.

click to zoom

OKAY, OKAY, Penguins are short and have smooth chests, JUST LIKE ASIANS. And we both eat raw fish. And we're also bad drivers. FINE. But I don't want the world thinking that we're just like Asian people.

Not that there's anything wrong with being Asian or whatever, but lately my white friends have been like, "Hey Angry Penguin, what do you want to eat for lunch? How about a cat sandwich?" And just the other day this dude on the subway started singing "She Bangs!" at me really loud in a Chinese accent. THAT'S FUCKED UP.

Penguins are nothing like Asians! We're dangerous carnivorous bipedal birds that hunt in packs and can swim faster than you can run. One bite from our powerful jaws can tear a bloody piece of flesh off your body. One of us can maim you and ten of us can kill you, 'cause we're BAD ASS.

And a piece of advice for Whitney McNally -- if you ever come to Antarctica, DON'T GO IN THE WATER.

Copyright 2003, 2004