9 Excuses For Not Getting Work Done
Because this article is over a week and a half late, I thought it would be appropriate to make this one about excuses for not getting work done. As a high school teacher, I hear more of these excuses than anyone else on the planet. The variety of excuses range from the ridiculous to the completely ridiculous. Feel free to use any of the excuses on this list, but remember that I am not liable for you getting fired from your job, or you getting punched in the face (unless I'm the one who punches you...).
1) I didn't know I was supposed to do that.
This top excuse is legitimate if you were not told about an assignment and you really didn't know that you were supposed to do it. HOWEVER, if, on the other hand, you were told about it several times, you had a printed copy of the assignment, and you really did know about it then the use of this excuse will only serve to shorten your life.
2) I didn't have a pen/pencil and/or I didn't have paper.
This, of course, is a very legitimate excuse for not getting your work done. Clearly, if you don't have a pen or pencil or paper, there is no possible way to do what is asked of you since obtaining these very rare commodities is a near impossibility... A THOUSAND YEARS AGO!!! The only time this excuse would be valid is if your boss gave you a three second time limit to write down one word and you had to walk across the office to get a pen and paper. If that were ever a reality, then you should be happy to get fired from that job.
3) I was eating bean burritos.
This one speaks for itself. What're you gonna to do?
4) I don't speak English.
Now, this one is a little bit tricky because it depends on the way you say it. If you don't know what I mean, then you probably shouldn't use this as an excuse. If you have mastered this one, it can be extremely useful because it can be used as an excuse for almost everything (in English speaking countries). "Did you just grab my ass?" I don't speak English. "Did you just fart?" I don't speak English. "Do you speak English?" I don't speak English. You get the idea.
5) I soiled myself.
This one only works best for people five years and under or seventy and older, and even then, it's really no excuse. If you are in between those ages and you use this excuse you will not only lose your job, but you will also lose your dignity.... Forever. Trust me on this one.
6) You're not the boss of me!
Unfortunately, this excuse does not work when you are telling it to your boss, for obvious reasons. Therefore, using it in that situation will only further prove to your boss that he/she made a huge mistake when hiring you in the first place. So, when does this excuse work? Okay, it's not even really an excuse, it's more a fun phrase to say to someone who asks you to do anything.
7) What about ___________ (fill in the name of anybody else here)?!
Deflecting blame or incompetence on others is always a go to for our own shortcomings. If your boss or supervisor suffers from ADHD, then this excuse is sure to get the results you desire. However, it can also backfire by earning the animosity of the coworker whom you named, in addition to suffering the consequence of not getting your work done. I, personally hate hearing this one, so if I am ever your boss, please use excuses 3, 4 or 5 instead.
8) I forgot.
Well in that case, don't worry about it. How about a raise? -- Words you will never hear in response to this classic excuse. See #5 for the recommended ages to use this excuse.
9) I would have done it, but I ferndalmmm zityall bigarsit bllllerrrr...
Ah yes, classic mumbled gibberish that sounds like actual words. You have to be careful of who you use this one with. The response will always be "what?" and if you stay consistent with your sounds and stick with your story, you may pull this one off. Your boss probably doesn't have time to decipher what you are saying, but he might also just fire you for being an ass. Another key to pulling this one off is trailing off in volume as you speak. If this conversation takes place in passing, then you are guaranteed to be off the hook.
Warning: Do not, I repeat, do not use any of these excuses. I know I said at the beginning that you should feel free to use any of them, but after writing them, I feel that there is already enough anger and violence in the world and I would not like to contribute to its increase.