As we all know, the Chinese have invented many excellent inventions. Among them:
Gunpowder, paper, tantric sex, and Chinese food. But one of their
coolest inventions was the Chinese Zodiac. This was a method of
determining a person's horoscope based upon the year of their birth and
the lunar signs.
Have fun and learn more about your personality with my nifty Chinese
Zodiac sign chart! Just look up the year of your birth and match it to your
animal sign. Yay!
1915, 1927, 1939, 1951, 1963, 1975, 1987, 1999
You are the luckiest of all the signs. You are extremely talented and
articulate. You are also financially lucky and are admired by everyone.
Be as arrogant as you like, because there is absolutely nothing wrong
with you. Anyone who says otherwise is just jealous. I myself am a Rabbit, so I should know.
You are also great in bed.
You are compatible with the Sheep or the Pig. Cocks will try to kill
1914, 1926, 1938, 1950, 1962, 1974, 1986, 1998
You are aggressive and driven, although sensitive. You have a bad
temper. You may have already murdered someone. If you haven't, you
probably will. Other people have great respect for you, but only
because they fear you. Most of the people in prison are Tigers.
You are compatible with the Horse and the Dog. BEWARE OF THE MONKEY.
1913, 1925, 1937, 1949, 1961, 1973, 1985, 1997
You are patient, quiet, an inspiration to others. You are easy-going.
However, you can be angered easily. As a result, you tend to be
passive-aggressive. You would make a great parent. You also have a
knack for making children cry. It is these two attributes of yours that
will line the pockets of your child's future therapist.
You are compatible with the Snake or the Cock. Sheep will slowly chip
away at your well-being with their self-esteem issues.
1912, 1924, 1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996
You are ambitious, thrifty, and charming. You LOVE money. You are
constantly coming up with nutty get-rich-quick schemes. People dislike
you because you only look out for Number One. That's why your
friendships never last -- because you keep ripping people off. Stop
telling people that you're a Mouse.
You are compatible with the Dragon and the Monkey. Horses are too cool
to be seen with you.
1916, 1928, 1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000
You are eccentric and your life is really complex. But who are we
kidding? "Eccentric" and "complex" is just a kind way of saying that
you're fucking crazy. To you, "life is a colorful leaping flame".
Especially with all the drugs that you do, you crackhead. Also, you
have a soft heart (i.e. you're a doormat).
Also, look at your symbol. What the fuck is that? Is that supposed to
be a dragon? It looks like "Year of the Shrek".
You are compatible with the Monkey or the Rat (but only once you're
older and clean and sober). Dogs will try to gank your stash.
1917, 1929, 1941, 1953, 1965, 1977, 1989, 2001
Oh Lord. What can I tell you that you don't already know? You possess
great wisdom (or at least you think you do). You're good looking and
you lord it over people. You think that everyone likes you, but that's
only because they want to sleep with you. Enjoy your youth while it
lasts, because once it's over your only companionship will be an
apartment full of cats.
You are compatible with the Cock or the Ox. Right now a Pig is talking
shit about you behind your back.
1918, 1930, 1942, 1954, 1966, 1978, 1990, 2002
You are popular and everyone's sexual fantasy. However, you are
headstrong and oblivious. You're always blabbing peoples' secrets because you're kind of dim.
Oops! You absolutely require other peoples' attention and need to be
surrounded by friends. Without them you shrivel up into a little
dessicated ball. If you haven't already, you should start a cult. And when you do, remember to make
yourself the leader.
You are compatible with the Tiger or the Dog (find one before you get
old, fat, and unattractive). A Rat will pay someone to have you murdered.
1919, 1931, 1943, 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003
You are elegant and creative but extremely shy (i.e. you are an artistic
loner). The world puzzles you, and you often find it difficult to
express exactly how you feel to people. As a result you tend to ramble
on about trivial matters. Star Trek conventions are filled with Sheep.
So are LOSER CONVENTIONS.
You are compatible with the Pig and the Rabbit. The Ox will pretend to
listen to you but will be really thinking about football.
1920, 1932, 1944, 1956, 1968, 1980, 1992, 2004
You are really smart and people always listen to you. However, at the
slightest sign of trouble you get really discouraged and quit. You
never finish anything that you start, and you're always moving on to
some new crazy shit. If the world was run by Monkeys we'd all be driving
cars with half-an-engine and no steering wheel. Fortunately, only the
government is run by Monkeys.
You are compatible with the Dragon or the Rat. Dating a Tiger is a guaranteed
ticket to being a guest on the Jerry Springer Show. Practice saying "BUT I LUV HIM!" with a
1921, 1933, 1945, 1957, 1969, 1981, 1993, 2005
You're a workaholic and an absolute overachiever. You're extremely
adventurous and you never, ever fail. Unfortunately, you're also a selfish asshole. As
a result, the following career paths are perfect for you: TV personal
injury attorney, international assassin, biological weapons designer,
used car salesman, medieval state executioner, cancer cell. You own one
or more sweatshops.
You are compatible with the Snake or the Ox. Kill all Rabbits!
1922, 1934, 1946, 1958, 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006
You're loyal, honest, a joy to be with. At least, that is the front you
put up. Inside you are a selfish, stubborn, crazy weirdo. You lie so
much that you don't even know when you're doing it. You would be a
great politician. Bill Clinton is a Dog. So is George W. Bush. You
could someday be President!!!
You are compatible with the Horse or the Tiger. Dragons will sell your
things to buy crack.
1923, 1935, 1947, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995, 2007
You are noble and chivalrous. There is only one direction in your life --
...To the refrigerator, you fatty! No, no, I'm just kidding.
You are an excellent, loyal friend. This is because you feel so lucky
to have people around that you'll do anything to please them. You
should stop being such a sucker. Also, go for a jog once in a while.
You are compatible with the Rabbit or the Sheep. Stay away from other
Pigs! THEY WILL TRY TO TAKE YOUR FOOD!