by Dave

Last night I was reading a copy of Elle and drinking a six-pack of Budweiser, and I thought to myself, "Gee, women are so different from me." Then I passed out. Here are some reasons why I think I would make a terrible woman:

I'm too rational

I'm a rational person. Women are not. For example, my roommate, Katie, is a woman and we get along pretty well, but she's prone to randomly flip out whenever I don't wash the dishes for a few months or whenever I find an animal outside and put it in her room. Usually I just assume that she is PMSing and I ignore her. She is irrational. Because Katie is like this, all women must be like this.

I don't have a vagina

Despite what Naoya said about me last night after he caught me drinking a Strawberry Daquiri, I do not, in fact, have a vagina. This is a requirement for being a woman, right? Without a vagina, I really wouldn't be much of a woman. I do, however, have breasts. But having breasts alone does not make me a woman. It just makes me a freak.

I don't like dancing

I like to play "Halo" on my Xbox. Women don't seem to like playing Halo. Instead, they like to go dancing. Women can get dressed up, go to a club and dance with each other and it's a "girls night out". If men get dressed up, go to a club, and dance together it means that you're in West Hollywood. It's not fair. I want to be able to dance with my man friends and not fear for my sexual reputation.

Wait a minute. I don't even like dancing. I like Halo.

I like sex

Women don't like sex. I ask a lot of women to have sex with me, except for Katie, of course, because she is totally irrational and that's a turn off. Every time I ask a woman to have sex with me, she refuses. This can only mean that women don't like sex. And if it's not that, then it's because I'm Asian. I bet if I were white, women would want to have sex with me. And maybe also if I didn't have breasts.

I actually came up with more than this, but I'm too drunk right now to spell correctly. Ciao!